I have been shedding my skin.
I am shedding who I was in Texas. I am shedding stagnation. I am shedding habits, people, and things that take my energy and time away from what I want to accomplish: sleeping in, procrastination, people who take more from me than I intend to give, food lacking nutrients, excess “stuff,” etc.
Often times, our physical surroundings, our daily routines, and relationships are what need to be cleared out before our brain can operate without “the fog.” You know what I’m talking about when I say, “the fog.”
Last night, I was feeling stuck but optimistic, so instead of binging on Netflix, I chose to sit and write out some goals for 10 minutes.
After I was finished, I had a list of things I already knew I wanted to accomplish, like getting better and more consistent with my photography, and some I didn’t even know: like read an entire Nietzsche book (I’ve only ever read a few essays). A screenplay I started writing 7 years ago also started to come back to life.
One thing all of the items on my list have in common is that I don’t feel like I’m ready for them.
Why? Because of the doubts I tell myself:
There are people already doing most of them who are better than me.
I don’t know where I’ll find the time.
What if I fail?
What if I succeed?
What if I change my mind halfway through and abandon it?
The idea that I can use these thoughts to guide me never occurred to me until I started saying, “yes,” to things. These thoughts show me what I NEED to say yes to.
Because if I don’t say yes, someone else will. We can all answer our calling and passions – we just have to show up, give it our best shot, and be ok if we have to bail or back off for awhile. You won’t be perfect on your first attempt, but you will become better.
Figuring out what your calling and passion is may be found in a 10-minute goal-writing session with yourself instead of watching Netflix. It may be found on a walk around the neighborhood instead of going out for drinks on a Friday night, again.
If you feel like you are searching for it, then it is also trying to find you: let it in.